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November 11, 2004
AN OPEN LETTER TO BRITNEY SPEARS: THE LESSONS THAT YOU NEED TO LEARN FROM ELVIS AND MICHAEL Dear Britney Spears, You and I have quite the love-hate relationship. While you represent everything I hate, both in the human race and music industry, I have still managed to purchase all of your CDs to date. Just as one might stop on a highway to look at a car wreck, I have a sick and morbid fascination with your music. It's not the kind of stuff that I usually listen to, but for some perverse reason it has gotten under my skin and something has made me believe that I like it. I don't believe in it, but I like it. It's kind of like a diabetic eating chocolate. Even though it's like pouring cyanide into your body, it's still so sweet. However, I have recently become rather concerned about you Brit. In your quest to grow, reinvent and maintain your fame it seems to me that you are going down a strange and a dangerous path. One which others before you have tread, and only met disaster. Now, through your press conferences, interviews and other interactions with the media you haven't exactly proven to me that you are the sharpest crayon in the crayon box. Sorry Britney, but it's true. I'd like to believe that someone who has probably experienced more than I will ever experience in my life would be able to put two clues together but, alas, you don't seem to be able to. So, to help you understand my point I have decided that I will illustrate it. Follow the pictures and perhaps you will catch a glimpse of your future: In many ways you remind me of Elvis Presley. Now, I am not suggesting you have the power, the charisma or the talent of Elvis. Hopefully your ego isn't so inflated as to make you think you're as big as him. Regardless, let's take a look at Elvis:
Young, attractive, likeable Elvis
"Still sociably acceptable but we are starting to wonder about him" Elvis
"What the hell?" Hollywood freak show Elvis
Do you see the point I'm trying to make Britney? No? Well let's find another example. How about Michael Jackson. Now, once again, don't think that I am saying you contain the same creative genius as Michael Jackson does Britney because, well, the simple truth is that you don't. However let's see if we can make a link here:
Young, attractive, likeable Michael
"Still sociably acceptable but we are starting to wonder about him" Michael
"What the hell?" Hollywood freak show Michael
"Oops, I did it again" Michael Is my concern becoming quite clear now Britney? Do you not see the path you are walking down? What's that? You doubt it's true? You doubt it could happen to you? I don't know about that Britney. Let's take a quick look:
Young, attractive, likeable Britney
What the hell?" Hollywood freak show Britney Do you understand now Brit? Do you see how far you've gone? Do you see the pattern? Have you caught on? Just like two far more talented men that came before you, you have allowed things to get out of hand and escape your control. What's the next stop? Death? Crime? Drugs? Prostitution? Cannibalism? Who is to say? How can you save yourself? Well Britney... just stop. That's right. It's time to just stop. Face it. The fact that I can use the phrase "I like old Britney music better than new Britney music" is a miracle in itself. You really should never have made it to the stage of "new" Britney Spears music. Somehow you did and, well, in the process you've become a giant ho and lost all dignity and integrity in the process. Save yourself and just stop. Stop everything. Why am I telling you this? Well, I guess it's because I care. I am a pop culture addict after all. But believe me when I say that soon I may be the only one who does care. Just as I care about Bobby Sherman, the Bay City Rollers, the Cowsills and so many long forgotten pop acts before you, I will still care about you. However, believe me Brit, the fame is not worth the freak show you have become. It really is not. Best of luck (you probably will need it), Sam Tweedle
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