September 22nd, 2005

THE POP CULTURE ADDICT VS. BOBBY CURTOLA:

FURTHER PROOF THAT NOBODY IN THEIR RIGHT MIND CAN ACTUALLY ENJOY THE MUSIC OF BOBBY CURTOLA

Last night while I was at work I was surprised to get ten emails from a man named Robert Hubbard. Now who is Robert Hubbard you might wonder and why would he be sending me ten emails? I wondered the same, so as curious as I could possibly be, I opened the first email and read the following message. Robert Hubbard wrote:

"Bobby Curtola

Gave more to Canada for music than every hair on your f—king head, you dum dum.

WHAT HE’S DONE FOR CHILDREN IN THIS COUNTRY AND OTHERS, YOU WILL NEVER UNDER STAND.

THE ORDER OF CANADA SAY IT WILL. YOU DUM DUM

His last show was [18,000 ]people SEPT 2005 EDMONTON

The one before that was 8,000 SEAFEST where the f—k have you been.

PEOPLE LIKE YOU WE UNDERSTAND YOU SICK F--K

Smoking What ??? OR THE DRUGS MUST BE GOOD .

POST THIS ON YOUR WEB YOU HUG OF SHIT.

ROBERT HUBBARD"

Wow. That's a whole lotta anger, I thought. The other nine emails were different internet articles about the career and the achievements of 1960s Canadian pop sensation Bobby Curtola. Bobby made a name in the music biz in the early sixties riding on the coattails of artists such as Paul Anka, Frankie Avalon, Bobby Rydell and Bobby Vee with such songs as "Fortune Teller", "Aladdin", "Three Rows Over", "Hitchhiker on the Road to Love" and the incredibly politically incorrect "Indian Giver". So why was Robert Hubbard telling me all of this about Bobby Curtola and why was he so angry?

Perhaps some of you might remember an article I wrote in February of this year titled, "1960's Musical Groups I Really Can't Stand". In the article I analyzed and critiqued the music of such acts as The Beach Boys, Shirley Ellis and Freddie and the Dreamers. However I reserved my most cutting criticism for Bobby Curtola. Why? Well that's simple. There really isn't any musician in the world I can't stand more than Bobby Curtola. His fluff makes me physically ill, incredibly angry and gives me urges to hurt myself. Now I must admit I couldn't remember what exactly I wrote about Bobby Curtola so I had to find the article. I wondered if perhaps I was off my game that day. If you'd like to read exactly what it was I said about Bobby Curtola to upset Robert Hubbard so much you can read it here.

Upon rereading my critique of Bobby's work I felt I was very thorough. Now this isn't the first time I had ever received hate mail but nothing had ever been so strange nor so amusing and I felt that since Robert Hubbard had so much passion for Bobby Curtola and made the effort to send me ten articles perhaps I should send him a reply. Thus I sent him the following letter:

"Dear Robert Hubbard,

Thank you very much for the time that you took to send me all these interesting and informative articles on early 60s teen pop sensation Bobby Curtola. You obviously have a real passion for Bobby's music and career and I am sure he appreciates your love and fandom for his work.

When you keep a website such as I do your opinions will often differ from others and your criticisms will also be often questioned. I am very passionate about pop culture and that passion often goes to the nth extreme. Now you must understand that disliking Bobby Curtola's music as much as I do makes my criticism rather harsh. I am sorry if you took it personally and it's good that you have Bobby Curtola's back. Yet, I always encourage feedback, both positive and negative, and take your passion as being valid.

However, I think we need to be realistic about some things here. You say that Bobby Curtola gave more to music than every "f--king" (I assume that means fucking) hair on my head. First, I am thinning which I assume means that Bobby's influence is also thin. Sir, if you go up to most Canadians and ask them who the most influential musician in Canadian music history is you will not often get the answer "Bobby Curtola". You are more likely to hear names such as Gordon Lightfoot, Leonard Cohen, Joni Mitchell or Neil Young. You might also get Bobby's counterpart Paul Anka (yet it should be recognized that Bobby was really nothing more than the watered-down version of Anka). These people are the legends of our country. Bobby's influence, if any, has deeply faded. That is just a fact.

Also, Bobby Curtola was nothing but a teen sensation. Would you say that David Cassidy or the Bay City Rollers or the New Kids on the Block are towering pillars in the history of music? When they stopped making records the music world didn't stop. Even in a narrow market such as the Canadian music scene Bobby Curtola is not what one would call an earth shattering icon. Go out into the streets and ask strangers if they can tell you who Bobby Curtola is and what his influence is. You'll most likely get a blank stare.

As to his attendance records. It is good to see he can still pack concerts. I love old music and I recently saw Gene Pitney in concert. Pitney is one of my favourites and he packed in thousands of people. Would I call him a legend? No. Do I expect you to know where his last concert was or what the attendance was? No, I would not. Where the fuck was I? Who's to say? I know where I wasn't though. I wasn't at a Bobby Curtola concert because I can't frikkin' stand him. My disinterest also prevents me from knowing his concert schedule or his attendance records.

As to what he has done for children in this country and others... No, I don't understand but, considering that you didn't tell me what he did then I guess I won't. Do you understand?

All I know about Bobby Curtola is the music and I can tell you that I find it trite, shallow and terrible. I find his metaphors make little sense. Even when compared to his contemporaries such as Bobby Vee, Paul Anka or Frankie Avalon I find Bobby's music to be the most watered-down worst of the lot. Those are my thoughts and my feelings and I stick by them.

Finally, I'd like you to know that I don't do drugs because they are bad. If I did drugs I would not be able to write a coherent piece of criticism about Bobby Curtola. However, I find your letter, vocabulary and sentence structure to be very incoherent. Robert, I must encourage you to also not do drugs. Drugs are bad. Say 'no' to them.

Once again, thank you for your time and your words. Everyone has a right to an opinion. I am sorry that you don't like mine.

All the best,

Sam Tweedle

PS - I will be posting your letter on my website tomorrow. Make sure to look."

So then it occurred to me - the last concert I went to was Tori Amos and the attendance for her concert was nowhere near the numbers that Bobby Curtola was getting at those events. I decided to do a few quick google searches on these events to find out why the attendance was so high. The first event which brought out 18,000 people was a free concert celebrating Alberta's centennial and also featured a variety of different events and entertainers. No wonder the attendance was so high! The other concert at "Seafest" that brought together 8,000 people was also a free concert as part of a festival held in Queen's Country Nova Scotia. Now I don't care who you are but a free concert and a festival which will always bring out people. The numbers Robert Hubbard was using began to make sense.

However, my break at work was over and I left Robert Hubbard behind. Yet, upon arriving home at 7:00 am I opened my email account to find another eleven messages from Robert Hubbard. This time Robert wrote one line:

"Print this you Fagit"

This pleasant message was accompanied by an article about Bobby Curtola winning the Order of Canada. Now by this point Robert Hubbard had managed to send me twenty-one articles about a faded Canadian pop has-been, accused me of being a drug addict and called me both a "fagit" and a "hug of shit" (I'm not quite sure what a "hug of shit" is, but I think that could be the funniest thing I have ever been called). Now you think I'd be angry by this point. Just the opposite. I was delightfully amused. Thus, I wrote Robert Hubbard another email:

"Well good morning Robert,

I see that you are, once again, spreading the good word that is Bobby Curtola. Wow! Another eleven articles to add to the first ten you've sent me. That's a grand total of twenty-one articles you've sent me now. Yes, your passion is in full force this morning.

Now I honestly must commend you for your fire and passion for this performer but I'm not sure how I am going to be able to have the time to sit down and read all these interesting articles about Bobby Curtola. I'm afraid that I have a job and a life that I need to attend to today. I have things to do and places to go, not to mention articles to write for my website. I have much better things to do than to trade derogatory comments and send articles about long washed-up third rate sixties teen idols to total strangers. I thank you very much for your passion but I just don't think that I can read all of this and, besides, I really don't like Bobby Curtola that much at all and... well... I really don't care.

I would, however, like to let you know that I don't copy and paste articles on to my website. I only print original material and, yes, I do publicly answer mail that is sent to me by readers. Most of the mail that I print is that in nature of concerning pop culture matters - such as yours. I often answer questions that people ask me on pop culture subjects and defend myself when my opinion is questioned. Thus, I am afraid I will not be posting the article you sent to me about Bobby winning the Order of Canada. I do, whole heartedly, congratulate Bobby and know that he must be very proud of his achievement. However, this fact does not make me enjoy his music more.

See Robert, this may be alien to you but while I do realize some people enjoy Bobby Curtola's music, there are many of us who don't. Bobby's music does very little for me and it just stinks of phoniness and fake charm. Perhaps its just too clean cut or too outdated for me (although, quite honestly, I doubt that is the case. I mean, I do like Johnny Mathis a heck of a lot) but Bobby's music just isn't where I am at. In fact, despite all his successes and achievements, there is no musician I'd rather not listen to than Bobby Curtola. Thank you for pointing out his achievements to me, but it really makes little difference to me. I still don't like him. However, the fact that you like Bobby so much is apparent and you don't need to justify your loyalty of Bobby Curtola to me. Just find peace in the fact that you enjoy him. At this point I am afraid that's all you can do.

I would like to, however, point out to you that my criticism of Bobby in my article was both educated and direct. I backed my reasoning for disliking his music very well and precisely. I referred back to exact songs and lyrics and stated my case directly. It's not like I said something like "I hate Bobby Curtola because he sucks." No, I explained to the reader exactly why and what it was about his music I don't like. That, Robert, is called critique. This is what I offer my readers and is something I am trained to do through my university education. I do encourage you to attempt to do the same and write exactly why you enjoy Bobby so much. What is it that gives you the fire to send me twenty-one articles about him? I don't give a rats ass about articles as much as the confessions of the Bobby Curtola fan. Mind you, the hostility and bad nature you have displayed to me makes me question the nature of the Bobby Curtola fan. It even seems to go against Bobby's clean cut, nice guy image. Also Robert, I kinda wonder if you might be a bit crazy. Have you thought of getting some professional help?

Finally, I just wanted to point out that "faggot" is not spelled "fagit". Also, while I have many gay friends I must assure you that I am not gay. However, I question the sexual orientation of a man who sends me twenty-one articles about a male teen sensation that sang songs for twelve year old girls in the mid sixties. Judge not unless you wish to be judged.

Once again, thank you for sharing your message of Bobby's career,

Sam Tweedle"

Then suddenly I wondered - who the hell is this Robert Hubbard guy and why is he bothering me? Therefore I did another google search - this time with the names "Bobby Curtola" and "Robert Hubbard." Did I get results? You bet I did! I was surprised and amused to find out that Robert Hubbard is none other than Bobby Curtola's manager! My god. The internet does bring people together!

Thus far I haven't heard from Robert Hubbard again. However, somewhere out there, is a man with a passion for Bobby Curtola. Watch what you say about Bobby Curtola dear friends. You never know when Robert might be listening.

And message to Bobby. Your manager is an incoherent and aggressive idiot. I really wouldn't trust him with your career.

EPILOGUE: I received one more hostile email from Robert Hubbard informing me that he has started his own website against me. It's called "The Faggot Debate: The Truth Shall Prevale" and you can check it out for yourself here. This prompted me to send one final email to Robert Hubbard in which I said:

"Dear Robert,

I congratulate you on using the correct spelling of the word faggot. Perhaps that's the only positive thing that's come out of our correspondence. Good luck with the website.

Best,

Sam Tweedle"

From there I decided to leave Robert Hubbard alone because I'd really rather not deal with people like him.

(POP CULTURE ADDICT'S FINAL THOUGHT: In order to be fair to Bobby Curtola I would like you, the reader, to be the final judge on this battle of words between me and Mr. Robert Hubbard. If you have not heard Bobby Curtola's music I encourage you to download some of his songs and judge it for yourself. Who's right? Am I being a critical and unfair bastard? Is Robert Hubbard not as crazy as he comes off as sounding? Is Bobby Curtola's music not as bad as I make it out to be? Can a million Bobby fans be wrong? In the end that's for you to decide.)