December 23rd, 2005

SUMMER ROMANCE OF SUMMER DISASTER?:  REVISITING "FROM JUSTIN TO KELLY" ON SUCH A WINTERS DAY

When I started writing these articles in the summer of 2003 there was one film in theaters that captured my imagination.  It didn't capture my imagination by being a cinematic masterpiece with moving plot, classic actors, spell bounding acting, or special effects.  It wasn't a film that I was proud of seeing, I did not even see in theatre, nor did I feel compelled to rush out and buy it on DVD.  It wasn't directed by Steven Spielberg, or Quinton Tarantino, or Spike Lee, or Tim Burton.  No.  These weren't the reasons that it captured my imagination.  The film was "From Justin to Kelly," starring American Idol alumni Kelly Clarkson and Justin Guarini. The reason it captured my imagination was because I was amazed at just how much of a giant flop a movie could be.  Panned by critics as being the worst film of the year, Justin and Kelly managed to be taken out of theatres at most venues within a single week.  It ended up being rushed to DVD two months after its release, but nobody even rented it then.  For a pop culture masochist like me who gets off on truly terrible films I got much enjoyment watching "From Justin to Kelly" fall from grace, and the film was my pop culture whipping boy for quite a long time.   I was just so fascinated with it that I HAD to rent it....and rent it I did.  It remains to be one of the worst films I've ever seen.

So why are we revisiting "From Justin to Kelly" today?  Well, as I was doing some last minute holiday shopping this afternoon I was amused to find a copy of "From Justin to Kelly" in the bargain clearance DVD bin for $5!  That's cheaper than a Big Mac value meal at McDonalds.  I couldn't contain my amusement so I HAD to buy it.  I now am the proud owner of a DVD copy of "From Justin to Kelly"!  FIVE BUCKS PEOPLE!  And the bonus material - oh lord.  Full length audio commentary by Justin and Kelly AND director Robert Iscove (I bet his mother is proud of her son for making this film).  I can't WAIT to listen to that!  Deleted scenes!  Gag reel!  I mean, a FRIKKIN GAG REEL PEOPLE!!!!!!

I don't know why I find this so funny.  Now, if only I could find a decent priced copy of "Showgirls".

Anyway, for my amusement, I looked up my original review for "From Justin to Kelly" that I wrote in the summer of 2003.  I was surprised that it was a pretty good review.  So, for your enjoyment, here is my original review.  Enjoy it because it may save you from watching this train wreck one day.

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Yes friends. This is it. I will now review this summer's biggest flop, "From Justin to Kelly," starring American Idol alumni Kelly Clarkson and Justin Guarini. Last night when I got home from work I put it on to settle down to and I ended up watching the whole damn thing.

Anyone remember S Club 7? Well imagine the worst episode of S Club 7 you can think of, only three times longer and still not nearly as good. If you can visualize that you get "From Justin to Kelly".

From the first scene I knew I was about to witness a nightmare waiting to happen. Now, I don't expect Kelly or Justin to be able to act - most singers (except for maybe Cher and Frank Sinatra) can't. However, one would think that if the two main actors in a film can't act, than the casting directors would hire some people to act around them - right? I mean, it worked for Kevin Costner for years! Well, the rest of the cast were cast according to how well they look without a shirt on or how good they look in a bikini. I am serious!

So what is this movie about? Kelly Clarkson is a sensible girl from Texas who gets talked into going to Florida for Spring Break by her two best friends. However, she dreads the idea of the eternal party - she is too sensible for that (kudos to her). Justin is from Philadelphia and he and his two buddies have a business that organizes the hottest parties on the beach. However, Justin is also sensible like Kelly (kudos to him) but has the reputation as a party guy that he just can't shake. Anyway, Kelly and Justin meet on the first day and fall for each other immediately ("There's just something....different about her" Justin coos to his pals). But Kelly's friend Alexis - the spoilt, blonde, slut, party girl stereotype (I mean c'mon - her name is Alexis) does everything in her power to keep the two of them apart....for no apparent reason but to be a bitch. Yup - that's it. Not exactly as involved as "Citizen Kane", is it?

So what the viewer is assaulted with is an hour and twenty minutes (a rather short film - thank god) of beautiful people playing on the beach. Everybody on Spring Break is buffed and buxomed and cooler than anyone we will ever know in our lives. Wow - I wanna go to Florida for spring break all of a sudden. What follows is unlikable characters, lame sub plots, and lots and lots of stereotypes - more stereotypes than "Saved By the Bell". There is your nerd, your rich girl, your working class hunk, your really cool stud. Oh - and everything wraps up perfectly at the end - almost too perfectly.

So what of Kelly and Justin? To be honest both of them are the only likeable characters in this film. Kelly can't act to save her life. Justin is a bit better - but he's no Marlon Brando (could you imagine Brando with Justin's hair? Yikes!). The two of them can sing up a storm but the songs in this film could be the most forgettable musical numbers since "The Fox and the Hound" (honestly - do any of you remember any musical numbers from "The Fox and the Hound"?). Oh - and the songs are pretty shitty too.

Meanwhile the dance numbers aren't so bad; except for the fact that the "cool" factor of all the kids on the beach make me want to play in traffic. They are basically the superficial posers that you can see every night at the Junction. I hate them there, and I hate them on my TV screen as well.

What could have saved this film is if they released it direct to DVD. I mean, as a direct to video release its not so bad. Considering how popular American Idol was last year it would have been far more successful because I bet a lot of fans would have bought it. Oh - and they should have gave Simon Cowell, Paula Abdul, or Randy Jackson a cameo - that might of helped (although Simon probably would have been far crueler about this film than I have been).

So did I like it? That's hard to say. I hated "Johnny English" more ("Johnny English" is the worst movie of the year in my mind - now that I have seen "Justin and Kelly"). I was far more disgusted with "House of 1000 Corpses". It even kept my interest better than "The Hulk," or "The Matrix: Reloaded" managed to do. Perhaps the
masochistic part of me that considers "Robot Monster" to be a cinematic triumph enjoyed it, but I remember at one point looking at the clock wondering what the hell I was doing watching this pile of garbage at five a.m. A bit of a throwback to that time I watched, "Girls Just Want to Have Fun" on City TV's Late Great Movies until stupid o'clock in the morning a number of years ago. Sometimes I do stupid things. However, when you come right down to it its a giant travesty. A forgettable film that will be appearing soon in a DVD bargain bin near you (Pop Culture Addict Note: boy - did I ever call that one).

Final thought - many critics call it a modern day Annette and Frankie Beach Party movie. As a fan of Annette and Frankie (I have every movie on video) I can say that its blasphemy. "From Justin to Kelly" lacks the charm, innocence and kitsch of the Annette and Frankie films. They are sacred compared to it. And if that's not the most damning statement to how lackluster this movie is I don't know what is.