April 14th, 2005

WHY I DON'T RENT AT BLOCKBUSTER

In a nut shell...

Scene: Your average Blockbuster Video Store. Aisles and aisles of DVDs and video tapes all in the familiar blue and white Blockbuster boxes. I am browsing through a barrage of uninteresting films when I am approached by a Blockbuster employee in the blue and white Blockbuster smock.

Blockbuster Employee: Hi, can I help you find something?

(note: this is his first mistake. When I go to a video store to rent a movie I usually have a fairly good idea of what I want to watch. However, even when I don't I am usually not open to the suggestions of others unless I know them and they have proven to me that they know something about movies. However, I am actually stumped on the name of the movie I am looking for.)

Me: Sure. Ummmmm... I can't remember the name of the movie I'm looking for. It has Cary Grant and Katharine Hepburn in it and something about a leopard... or something.

Blockbuster Employee: Do you mean Pearl Harbor?

Me: No. Cary Grant and Katharine Hepburn are in it.

Blockbuster Employee: Oh. I thought you said Ben Affleck and Josh Harnett. Uh - well I don't think we have that movie you want. Can I make a suggestion to you?

Me: Uh - sure. What the hell.

Blockbuster Employee: Well... how about renting Pearl Harbor? It's a really good movie. Well, I mean, I didn't actually see it but my girlfriend did and she says it's good.

Me: No. I really don't want to rent Pearl Harbor. If I wanted to see Pearl Harbor I would have seen it when it was in the theatre.

Blockbuster Employee: Good point. Well how about Cold Mountain? That's supposed to be a good movie. A lady who rents here told me so.

Me: I've already seen Cold Mountain and you couldn't pay me enough money to sit through that drivel again. Hell, sexual favors from Nicole Kidman herself couldn't make me watch that again. That's three hours of my life I'm never getting back!

Blockbuster Employee: Okay. Well how about Pearl Harbor? We have lots of copies of Pearl Harbor.

Me: We've already gone through that pal. I am NOT renting Pearl Harbor.

Blockbuster Employee: Oh. Well I'm not sure if I can help you out.

Me (frustrated): Look. Just get me a copy of Reservoir Dogs or something - okay?

Blockbuster Employee (looking like he has no idea of what I'm talking about): Reservoir Dogs?

Me: Yeah. You know. Reservoir Dogs? Quentin Tarantino? Harvey Keitel? Tim Roth? Steve fuckin' Buscemi? Get me Reservoir Dogs!

Blockbuster Employee (shrugs): Uh... when did it come out?

Me: I don't know... like 1992 or something.

Blockbuster Employee: Oh. No wonder I haven't heard of it. That movie's too old for this place. Can I suggest Pearl Harbor?

At this point I stomp out. This is the reason I don't rent at Blockbuster. I never want to rent movies from anyone who doesn't know as much, or more, about movies than I do.