THE TALE OF THE MOUSEKETEER AND THE GIANT MESH PENIS:  A TRUE HALLOWEEN STORY
 

Come, dear friends and readers, and listen to a tale so scary, so disturbing and so terrifying that it will be sure to scar your imagination and haunt your dreams for years to come. The most shocking part is that this story is true. Absolutely true. Let's gather together, turn the lights down on this All Hallow's Eve, and let me tell you of the night I faced the giant erect penis on George Street.

It happened six Halloweens ago on a night much like this. It was the last Black Sabbath. Halloween on a Sunday is never popular. The city streets were barren with the exception of the few brave souls that were brave enough to wander the empty cold streets, or those lucky enough not to have to work the next morning at least. I was hanging out with "friends" at the now defunct Little Bread Company that used to be located on George Street. Down the street, under the giant terrace at Peterborough Square, a hundred born again Christians gathered to pray and sing praises to the lord in the hopes that the ghosts and ghouls and demons of Halloween would not enchant and delight the costumed people celebrating the holiday. Inside the Bread Company the band Peacock, which at the time was my favorite local band, but who since then seemed to have disappeared (such a pity really) were dressed as 1970's porn stars and were rocking and rolling (literally - the lead singer Kimber was on roller-skates) and filling the night with loud guitars and solid Halloween melodies. In the thick of it was me dressed as a 1950's style Mouseketeer from the Mickey Mouse Club. Take a look at the picture on the right to get an idea of what a 1950's Mouseketeer might look like. I had my Mouseketeer ears on and a white t-shirt with my name, "Sam", written across my chest. I think I looked rather good, but then I always put a lot of thought and creativity into my costumes. 

Anyhow, as the night went on I decided that I was getting rather hungry.  I don't know if I was really hungry or not, but I could hear a hamburger calling my name from Pete's Subs a few blocks away.  I asked a number of my friends if they were at all interested in coming with me, but everyone decided that they wanted to stay at the concert and I was left to go out onto George Street all alone. 

The sky was dark, the air was wet and cold and the streets were completely barren as I hurried to Pete's Subs all by myself.  Pete's Subs is hardly the best food in the world.  It's rather greasy and not the greatest quality but it was open late and on the blustery Sunday night it was the only thing open.  However, when I was only one block away I noticed another figure on the street with me.  Walking towards me was a man in a giant penis costume. That's right.  It was an eight foot erect penis made out of chicken wire and mesh fabric.  He had no arm holes but had two holes for his legs and a large hole for his head looking out of the body of the giant penis. Two large balls dangled from his torso.  As the giant penis crept closer and closer I began to think just how surreal the whole scene was. A big burly Mouseketeer walking towards a giant mesh wang on George Street. It was just too much to handle. I tried hard to compose myself but I couldn't help but snicker and giggle as the giant penis came towards me. However, when he passed me the strangest thing happened.

"Hi Sam," the giant penis said.

Did he say "Sam"? Did I know this giant penis? I was a bit stunned. I stopped and turned around to see the giant, armless penis walking away hurrying towards his own destination.

"Hey!" I cried after the penis, "who are you in the costume?"

The penis turned around but kept walking. "You don't know me," he said.  I wasn't convinced and was even more mystified.

"Hey, stop! Come back here!" I said and I started after the penis.  Now at that time in my life I weighed the most I ever had.  I was about sixty pounds heavier than I am now so you can imagine how disturbing it might be to see a giant surly Mouseketeer charging after you.  The penis turned around and took off, running as fast as he could.  However, as you can imagine, running without armholes can be difficult.  I quickly caught up to the giant penis and turned him around and made him face me.  Looking into the hole to see him I realized that I had no idea who this guy was. I had never seen the man in the penis costume before in my life.

"Who are you?" I asked again.

"We don't know each other," the penis said again.

"Then how do you know who I am?" I snapped at the penis. I don't know if I was more paranoid or more mystified.

That's when the penis explained it to me - "Dude, your name is on your shirt."

To say the least, it was me who felt like the big dick afterwards.

Happy Halloween dear friends, readers and ghouls.  Enjoy this Black Sabbath.  Now I must hurry.  It's nearly midnight and I am off to the pumpkin patch to wait for the Great Pumpkin.  I think I found a truly sincere patch this time.

Site concept and design by Candace Shaw of Secret Frequency.

All content copyright Sam Tweedle 2006.

All images that appear on this page are used under the Fair Use provisions of United States copyright law, and are presented in this non-commercial venue strictly for pubic benefit (educational).