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March 27th, 2004
THE GOSPEL
ACCORDING TO THE POP CULTURE ADDICT:
CELEBRATING
EASTER WITH OUR PAL JESUS
 So
there was this guy named Jesus. He walked around the desert telling
people to be really nice to each other and there were a lot of people
who didn't like that much so they killed him by nailing him onto a
cross. However I'm not here today to tell you about that part. If you
want more details on that watch "Jesus Christ Superstar". It
should be on at least four times today.
Anyways, after they killed him they entombed him in a cave. That was on
a Friday. The following Sunday some women who knew Jesus showed up at
the tomb to put flowers down and they see the big rock that had been
covering the cave entrance had been moved. They thought that was pretty
weird but what was stranger was an angel who told them Jesus wasn't
there and that they should go and tell his friends to meet him at
Galilee. So the girls went and did just that.
Now you can imagine that Jesus' buddies thought that it was pretty
strange but the eleven of them headed out to meet Jesus anyway. All the
way there Thomas kept saying "I really don't think Jesus is going
to be there guys..."
 "Shut
up Thomas!" Andrew would say and then they would keep on moving.
Anyway, they got to the mountain and Jesus wasn't there.
"See?" said Thomas, "I told you so."
"Well, we'll just wait around then," said Peter. And that is
what they did. They waited and they waited. Then over the hill they
spotted something bouncing around.
"Hey look!" cried Simon, "It's a giant bunny
rabbit!"
"I highly doubt that," said Thomas cynically.
"No, Simon's right!" exclaimed John, "It IS a giant bunny
rabbit all right and it's coming this way."
The disciples ran tow ards
the bunny rabbit. The giant bunny rabbit had a big basket filled with
eggs and it began to pass them out to the disciples one by one.
"Hey!" exclaimed Peter biting into his egg, "There's
chocolate in here!"
The disciples were very pleased because everyone quite likes chocolate.
Then a strange thing happened. The giant bunny took off its head
revealing that it wasn't a giant bunny at all but it was, in fact, Jesus
in a bunny suit!
"Hey guys, happy Easter," Jesus said.
 "Hey
it's Jesus!" everybody said excitedly, "Wow - what a great
trick! You really got us good there Jesus!"
"Mmm mmm mmm mmm, there's chocolate and p eanut
butter in my egg," said Mark, devouring his treat, "What a
great idea Jesus!"
"How did you get all the gooey caramel into this egg?" asked
Bartholomew biting into his egg.
"C'mon guys. Son of God here. I can do pretty much anything,"
Jesus said and they all had a good laugh.
Thomas crossed his arms in disbelief. "That's not Jesus," he
said.
Jesus rolled his eyes. "Dude, check out the hands," Jesus
said, showing Thomas the holes where the nails had been.
"Hey, it IS Jesus!" Thomas agreed.
"Yeah dickface. Must you always be so cynical?" Mark said.
"Hey. There's no time for talk. I need to go to heaven soon so
let's have a bit of fun," Jesus said.
So Jesus and his friends ate some more chocolate and joined in a game of
soccer but then it was getting dark.
"I gotta go now," Jesus said, "but I had a great day.
Thanks guys. Be good to one another and tell people about me."
"Sure thing Jesus," the disciples said waving at the savior.
The clouds parted, angels sang and Jesus went to heaven.
"So what do we do now?" Peter asked.
"I think I'm going to go home and write all this down," said
John, "You never know who might want to read about this."
"You might want to leave out the part about the bunny suit
though," Bartholomew advised, "Nobody will ever believe
that."
And that's what he did.
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