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November 11th, 2003
MY CAT DAPHNE'S THOUGHTS ON
THE SIEGFRIED AND ROY TRAGEDY
A CONVERSATION THAT NEVER
HAPPENED
 I
want to tell you about a conversation that never happened between me and my
little cat, Daphne, the other day.
Sunday night I was working on my
computer. It was pretty late and Daphne jumped up on the computer monitor to
sleep. She likes it up there because it's warm, and being as small as she is
it's a perfect size for her to curl up with her paws just falling off the end of
the screen and her head rested on them where she can see me and doze in and out
of sleep. I put on some Herbie Hancock and worked away on my writing when Daphne
slightly opened up her eyes.
"Sam," she said in her shrill cockney accent
that makes her sound like Eric Idle when he is playing a woman, "Are they going
to shoot the tiger that mauled Roy Horn?"
"I think they probably already
have Daphne," I said to her.
"Hmmmmmmm..." Daphne contemplated, "I think
that's terrible."
"And why's that?" I asked my little grey
kitty.
"Well, I think what that tiger did was a very bold statement. He
stood up for cats everywhere. He was chained to the Las Vegas antics of
Siegfried and Roy and decided not to take it anymore. He showed it in a way that
would make the world everywhere listen. Siegfried and Roy should know better
than to mess with an animal stronger than them. That tiger was exploited so that
those two slave drivers could make lots of money. I mean, do you think the
tigers got any share in the money? No! Do you think they got any of the
liquor or drugs or uh... men? No! I bet they didn't even get sunbeams to lie in
or nice little toy mice from the grocery store. That tiger looked at Roy and
said, 'OI - I'M NOT GOING TO BE YOUR BITCH ANYMORE! I AM A CAT AND I WILL DO AS
I PLEASE! YOU DON'T OWN ME!" I think he should have eaten Roy's eyes out while
he was at it. That tiger was a political prisoner. In dying he is a martyr. He's
my version of Rosa Parks."
 "Yes,
but Rosa Parks never mauled a bus driver Daphne, nor was she killed for that
matter," I stated.
"Shut up Sam! You don't have an opinion." Daphne said
wearily as she fell back to sleep.
I looked at my cute little cat in a
kind of bewilderment. Then I looked at my other cat Fred, who was sitting on the
floor next to the computer.
"What do you think of all this Fred?" I
asked.
"Boxes are fun, aren't they Sam?" Fred replied.
"Yes Fred,
boxes are fun," I agreed.
I looked back at Daphne who was contently
purring in her sleep and possibly dreaming about mauling stage magicians and I
decided it might be a good idea not to piss her off in the near
future.
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